i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
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