Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
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