I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
