yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
