like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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