oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
