I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
areolas are like halos for boobs.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
