I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
we have pet lesbian snakes
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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