so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
