Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
