I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
