He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
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I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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