OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize