can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
