why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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