how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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