I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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