That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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