So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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