It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
