So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
