I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
