Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
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You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
