mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
