I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
