I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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