Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
