Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
