what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
