their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
