my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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