she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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