whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
