So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
