I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
