Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
