some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
