Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
