So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
