K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
vagina is talking i cant
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
How external is "for external use only"?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
