well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
home. puking in laundry basket.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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