jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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