There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
