yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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