He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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