i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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