i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
