I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
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all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
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Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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