This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
