hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
