I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
