is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
