Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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