how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
