never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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