Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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