Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
