I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
