i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
