i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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