never play flip cup with pint glasses
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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