After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
