Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
