How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
did i just pee glitter
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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