hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
